Saturday, 31 December 2011

The very last day of 2011

I'm not really a big new year kind of person.  I always figure that I can start a new project whenever or celebrate whenever, I don't need a new calendar to guide me.  This year I find myself a little more thoughtful.  Maybe it's because I haven't had any alcohol since Monday, who knows?
  Anyway, as this year draws to a close and I hear so many people saying what a crap year it's been, I've decided to think about it.  I wouldn't say that I've had a terrible year, but I also wouldn't say I've had a great year.  I have worked more hours in 2011 than I have ever worked before, and I don't feel richer for it.  My personal life has suffered due to work, but it has afforded me the chance to move into a bigger house, which I did in October.  I finally got the stupid asperger's diagnosis which is good and bad, I think the word I'm looking for is "meh".  I managed to lose a bit of the weight that I gained when quitting smoking, but only because I started smoking again.  I haven't been on any trips, I haven't made any new friends.  My relationship has kind of been up and down, but mostly blah.  Hmmmm, I guess it has been a crap year, who knew?
  Now is the point where resolutions come into play.  I want things to be better, I want to work less, I want to look good, I want to feel good mentally and physically, I would like my relationship to be vital and fulfilling to both people in it.  So is making a resolution just putting my intentions out there?  Because I have resolve, I am capable of getting things done, I just don't know how to get that particular list done.  I suppose dieting would be a start, perhaps quitting smoking again?  Getting physically fit would help.  How to work less?  I don't know.  That will be the hardest, I'm a lazy workaholic, in that I don't really do much at work but I like to be here all the time.  Perhaps the use of the word "here" tipped you off to the fact that I am indeed at work?  I am at work on New Years Eve, nothing is going on, my dog is flaked out on the floor, farting his fool ass off right here in my office, at work, on New Years Eve.  Sheesh.
  Maybe I need a vision board or a life coach?  I was sort of looking to Penelope Trunk for guidance, but she makes some crazy choices, including staying with a spouse who beats her and posting pictures of the bruises on her blog.  But what the hell, she's the closest thing to a mentor that I have right now.  I just wish she'd move away from that guy.  Her blog  if you have any inclination to see what I am talking about.  She has aspergers but is also very successful (well, career wise anyway).   I feel bad for her, I bet she's having a different kind of holiday season than she had planned.
  It looks like I haven't really come to any conclusions here.  I did, however, manage to think of some things to focus on in the new year.  So let's consider this a success.

Happy New Year!

Thursday, 29 December 2011

Should I make any resolutions for the new year?

Still vaguely flu-ish and feeling a bit bah humbuggy, but I'm thinking about the new year.  I want this coming year to be better, I would imagine everyone does, hence the tradition of the resolution. 
  I can't remember ever making a resolution and following through.  I know I've made them, but what they were and if I even tried to succeed at them at all escapes me completely.  So that kind of makes me a bit hesitant in making any new ones for 2012.  Plus the world might end, right?  So then what's the point?
  About that world ending thing, I just don't feel like it's going to happen.  It would kind of be a relief if the world just stopped.  In some ways I wouldn't mind one bit, but then in other ways I feel like I still have stuff to do to make my life mean something.  I'd hate to think that I've been hanging out on this planet taking up valuable resources for absolutely no reason.
  So now this resolution question has morphed into a philosophical quest for the meaning of life.  Shit.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Can you believe this?

I haven't been able to get onto this blog for months because I couldn't remember my password.  And just now I discovered that it's just a matter of signing onto my email and google account.  I'm a wingnut.

I have a Gravol hangover today and my brain isn't quite up to par.  Perhaps trying to write anything is silly but I'm just so darn thrilled to be able to get back on here that I will churn out some kind of drivel just because I can.

I got wolloped by the stomach flu or something yesterday.  I feel a ton better but still not best.  I ended up fighting with my lovely gentleman companion last night as he was trying to help me.  When I am sick I really truly just want to be left alone.  I guess that's not normal. 

I also came to work.  I always come to work, no matter what.  Apparently that's not normal either.

Oh well.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Is Aspergers or Autism all you are?

Why is it that when I read aspie or autism spectrum people blogs that all they talk about is their diagnosis?  I would like to think that I am more than a person with something.  I am a person.  Yes, I am weird, I always have been.  Who cares why?  I am in my 40s and the fact that I have opinions, a job, a relationship etc do not all boil down to a diagnosis.  It is reassuring for me to know there are others like me.  Very reassuring!  I spent my life trying to fit in and conform and succeed to a set of standards that not only do I not understand, but that I think are stupid, vapid, and frankly wrong.  But that said, why I am the way I am does not change that I am the way I am.  Does that make sense?  I am the way I am regardless of a diagnosis or a title for my "type".  I have to function in this world whether or not I agree with or even understand the rules. 
  My search for a community has led me to all sorts of strange places, trying to find out where I fit in or kindred spirit types.  And now my quest has brought me to the aspie community.  I love reading something that I can 100% indentify with, it's very exciting.  But now I want to read more.  I want aspie people to write blogs about ordinary life.  Day to day, dealing with whatever, just like we all are.  Maybe my quest must continue, because life continues.  I am more than a diagnosis, I am gnosis, and I shall be known.

Monday, 6 June 2011

Monday night


i can drink tonight, i get to sleep in tomorrow!

Reading blogs....all the time.

  I spend a ton of time wandering around the internet reading random blogs.  For some reason I get on kicks of types of blogs to read.  For a while it was Pro-ana blogs, I find them fascinating.  I like to eat while I read them.  Much like I enjoy drinking while watching intervention.  Sometimes I am into fashion blogs, looking at people's outfits and makeup, but it gets tiresome fast.  I always return to the Aspie blogs because they reflect me best of all.  I found a good one today "Femmeburger".  Love her! 
The DIY blogs are inspiring but naturally I never follow through with doing the great stuff they teach so I just end up feeling bad.
  Anyway, that is what I have been doing this very exciting Monday morning.  There's nothing going on here at work.  I checked out the free songs on I tunes and got 2 of those.  Woohoo!  Soon I will revert to solitaire playing as usual.
  Gotta mention too that I ate my lunch within half an hour of being here and now I'm hungry again.  I have more food but since I am trapped here well into the evening it probably wouldn't be prudent to eat it yet......or should I?  These are the fascinating questions that I am struggling with this fine, June Monday.  I am lame.

Monday, 30 May 2011

It's Monday in the big city

Here I sit, bored at work as usual.  Trolling the internet for inspiration and finding none.  Solitaire on my Ipod Touch beckons.  If I could somehow get paid for playing solitaire I would be well on my way to financial independance  Sadly, however, this pie in the sky evades me.
  Tonight is the season finale of the live improvised soap opera that I attend weekly.  After tonight my Monday evenings will be free until September.  That should be just enough time to get caught up on the reruns of Monday evening shows that I have missed the rest of the year.  Either that or I will work more, hooray.  That's just what I was dreaming of, more work.
  Let's talk about my deodorant/antiperspirant for a moment, shall we?  I just bought the new Nivea one that is supposed to not leave yellow stains on my white clothes and not leave white stains on my black clothes.  So far it has done neither of those things.  I actually don't think it's doing anything at all.  It won't leave stains if it's not there right?  I think that's how it works.  You rub this stick under your arms and nothing happens.  It's a hoax plain and simple.  Who do I notify?

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Testing the waters

This is a test.  Trying to see who is out there and who will check this out. I'm not sure how this works or even how to see if anybody has checked this out.  Although, really, why would anybody exactly be reading this.  I'm gonna have to think of a theme or a reason to be blogging at all.
  I guess I could chronicle my struggles with weight loss, or lack there of.  But a lot of people are doing that....
  I could talk about Asperger's but I don't know anything about it.
  I like clothes but I'm not sure that I feel like doing the outfit of the day stuff like so many others.
  I can cook really well, but not sure how I would translate that to text and photos and be unique.
I suppose the quest continues to find my voice and vice.