Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Doctor's appointment tomorrow, hmmmmm

Okay, so I had my initial appointment with my new doctor in January.  She gave me reqisition forms for a bunch of tests which I underwent last week.  The mammogram was weird and the blood tests were traumatic, I also had to do the pee on demand thing, woohoo.  Anyway, the results are in and I have an appointment tomorrow.  I'm not worried about the results but I am curious.  When I watch shows like dr. Oz they talk about things like cholesterol numbers and stuff, so now I will know what mine are.  I have confidence that my numbers will be fine, but I still want to know what they are.

What I am really interested in is her take on my insanity.  I told her before that I do not want any drugs but now I am rethinking that.  What if there is something that can normalize me?  Wouldn't it behoove me to take such a drug?  Will my life be better?  Will I get a handle on my lack of focus etc?  I really want to know.  This is pretty much the first time that I have ever been honest (any dishonesty is only by ommission)with a doctor.  I know that I am currently physically healthy and any health concerns that I have are the consequences of the stuff that I am doing to self medicate.  Does that make sense?

Every tme that I have sought treatment or help in any way pretty much nothing has been done.  I know that Asperger's is a condition for which there is no cure but wouldn't it be nice to be able to relax once in a while?  Perhaps without having to drink myself into oblivion.  I've been diagnosed and medicated for depression many times, but I am not depressed, I'm exhausted!  And antidepressants make me feel like I'm slow, wrapped in cotton and very boring.  Is that the trade off that I have to make?

I really hope that she has some concrete answers for me, I don't know how much more my liver can take.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

I would like to think that you are always honest.

"To be honest"  I seriously cannot stand when people say "to be honest".  To me it implies that everything else that person has said has been a lie.  I was trying to explain that to my 6 year old neice A. last week.  I think she totally got it.  Now I feel kind of bad for telling her not to say it, she was pretty cute as she was explaining something to me and interjected the phrase "to be honest" into her ernest explanation.

Why do people say that anyway?  Is it supposed to make the listener feel special, as though they are being taken into a confidence?  As soon as I hear that phrase I assume that I am about to be told a lie, or something super bitchy.  The super bitchy part I am pretty cool with, but the lying?  Not so much.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

useless day

I'm at work, I have been since 10:00 this morning.  It is now 8:22 in the evening.  I don't have to be here but I'm waiting for a ride.  This day has been a complete and utter waste.  nothing got done, and everybody has been in a pissy mood all day.  I don't know if it's the weather as I have been trapped here in a windowless basement all day.  My hair and body transformed themselves into a fat and greasy mess at approximately 3:00p.m. and that's when I decided to pour a drink.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

What to wear?

I'm so tired of winter.  I'm so tired of the way I have to dress in winter.  I look matronly and well upholstered in my winter clothes.  I was going to use the words "winter finery" but that's just a straight up lie.  This is the time of year when I customarily dye my hair an outrageous colour, but I've heard that I'm too old for that now.  What am I going to do?

I bought a really cool pair of tuxedo pants.  They are slightly cropped, or at least that's what I'm telling myself, as I am somewhat tall.  Anyway tonight I'm going out to a semi-hip kind of place and this is what I am wearing:  Tuxedo pants tucked into boots that should be over the knee but are just at my knee.  Did I mention that I'm somewhat tall?  On top I'm wearing a mostly white tee shirt with some kind of anti aids logo on it.  I am anti aids after all.  And then over the shirt I've got a black jacket.  But in order to go out into the world I have to throw my grey overcoat on, it's not fair.  I hate that coat!  It was sort of expensive and it's got a designer name, but it makes me look like an old person.  What am I going to do?

Now don't get me wrong, I realize that I am not in my 20s or even my 30s, but do I have to dress like somebody's mom?  Right now I am on the very brink, the ultimate precipace if you will, of being one of those crazy women who dress like maniacs.  I'm on the fence really, it could go either way.  I might end up dressing like a total freak or else I'll just give up completely.  What am I going to do?

Stay tuned for the decision!

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Maybe I want my poetic license back!

So many blog idiots write deep, introspective, suposedly meaningful poetry on their blogs.  As soon as I see anything like that I just click "next blog" and move on.  It's not that I have a problem with poetry per se, but my taste runs more to the Dr. Seussian school of rhyming or the "there once was a man from Nantucket" style.  And so it begins, my foray into the world of silly poetry.

There were mice in my place of work
I killed them 'cause I am a jerk

Then Dave from down the hall
Came and got rid of them all

Do you think there are more of them lurking?
To distract me when I am working

Will they haunt me for the rest of my life?
Causing distress and strife

Or am I finally free of the critters
That cause me such stress and jitters?

Friday, 3 February 2012

It's Friday, but whatever.

Friday arrives and idiots all over are high fiving eachother and planning after work drinks.  Bastards.  I'm in the service industry and there are no weekends for drones like me. 

I did, however, make a special stop at the convenience store this morning on my way to work for the express purpose of buying a lottery ticket.  I don't usually buy lottery tickets, then the lady behind the counter asked if I wanted the extra I had to ask her what it is.  Her answer didn't help me at all, she said "it's 2 dollars".  Hmmmm, I got it anyway.  My reasoning for buying a lottery ticket was to get money, pretty straight forward, eh?  At the beginning of 2012 I put my intentions out to the universe that I want more money so I bought the lottery ticket so the universe can give it to me.  Simple plan I figure. 

Thursday, 2 February 2012

The orange people are taking over

The orange people are everywhere.  I admit that I do buy minutes at a tanning salon and do occassionally partake in a few minutes of tanning.  I mostly do it because it helps my skin from getting itchy during a freezing cold, Canadian winter, but a little colour on my skin is a welcome benefit.  But I am not orange nor do I ever want to be orange.  Some of the girls (yes, girls) who work at the tanning salon I go to are the colour of gingerbread it's terrifying.  They appear to be in their mid to late 20s but they're probably 18.