Actually I don't hate my blog. I hate myself for not being able to express myself properly on here. I have a bazillion things going on inside of me and nothing comes out right. I end up sounding whiny and/or sarcastic and bitchy. I may have some of those qualities, but there's more going on in here than that.
Right now I am stressed to the gills by the fact that I haven't done my taxes in two years. I keep returning to that panicked state of anxiety whenever I think about it. And when I'm not thinking about it, the panic and anxiety are there, hovering. When I am not thinking about my taxes it is only because I am not allowing myself to think about my taxes, so I'm really still thinking about my taxes, you know? Probably not.
I'm wearing a bracelet that through the course of the day has become opressive. It's bugging me. But I can't take it off because I'm at work and I don't want to leave it here.
I really just want to go home, but it would be easier to stay here because if I go home there's too much to do. Plus, I can't just go home, I have to stop at the grocery store and I should really go to the bank. I can talk myself out of the bank because theoretically I could do that tomorrow. Will I really do that tomorrow? Who knows? It kind of depends on a kajillion factors all of which are milling about in my head right now.
I am in constant negotiations with myself. I have brought procrastination and justification and inertia to a whole new level. For the last three days all I have done is play tetris. Well mostly....I also did Mother's day at the ancestral home, walked the dog numerous times, cooked meals, did dishes, attended a theatrical performance as well as the daily drudgery of work. I always go to work, no matter what.
There, that was a minute in my head. Lucky you.