My doctor's appointment was on Wednesday. I went with some expectations, silly me. My problem is I'm too good. I'm too good at being easy, breezy, funny and fine. And my outrageous physical healthiness just adds to my facade of being fine. Which physically I am. I told her at my initial appointment that I am unbelievably healthy and that I'm aware of that fact and obviously thankful for it, BUT that I am interested in getting my head on straight, because it is defiantly askew.
While I was sitting in the tiny examination room with the doctor and she was going over my glowing test results with me I floated outside of my body and watched the scene unfold. I could see myself looking casual and relaxed, asking questions and engaging in an apropriate manner and I could see her trying to get this appointment done and over with. I asked about anxiety medication and she gave me something that most people take for high blood pressure. I don't have high blood pressure. She offered me anti depressants, I am not depressed. But, trust me, I'm getting there.
I wonder what I have to do to get taken seriously? Should I just let go and freak out and cry and act like the maniac that sometimes bubbles below the surface? What I truly feel in a situation like that is not to freak out but rather to shut down completely. I just want to go to sleep. Next time I'm going in drunk, it's much easier for me to talk honestly that way.